What's Your Anger Style? A Quiz to Discover Your Responses
- Sarah Bustamante
- May 3
- 5 min read
Updated: May 3
Anger is a complex emotion that often reflects our deepest vulnerabilities. Understanding how you express anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth. When confronted with a real or perceived threat that triggers anger, do you tend to respond as a fighter, a flighter, a freezer, or an appeaser? Take this quiz to discover your anger style and learn how it shapes your interactions and emotional health.
Anger Styles Explained
Fight Expressions
Those who express anger through the "fight" response often exhibit behaviors such as:
Hitting, punching, or throwing things
Yelling, screaming, or growling
Breaking objects, squeezing things tightly, or clawing
Kicking or stomping
In this response, the sympathetic nervous system is activated, preparing the body for action by releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This can lead to increased heart rate, muscle tension, and heightened alertness. Somatic therapy can help here by teaching you to reconnect with your body, allowing you to identify physical sensations associated with anger and release pent-up energy through movement.
Flight Expressions
If you tend to flee from anger-inducing situations, you might relate to the "flight" response. Common expressions include:
Avoiding people or places that trigger your anger
Not confronting issues, leading to passive aggressiveness
Ignoring calls or messages, or even blocking others
Engaging in physical tasks, like scrubbing hard or using power tools, to distract yourself
In this case, the sympathetic nervous system is also engaged, leading to an urge to escape or avoid confrontation. As Tara Brach, a well-known psychologist, author, and meditation teacher who specializes in mindfulness and emotional healing, humorously points out in her podcast about anger, sometimes we find ourselves scrubbing toilets to avoid our feelings. Yoga therapy can be beneficial here, incorporating breath awareness and mindful movement to help you ground yourself and face your emotions rather than escape them.
Freeze Expressions
Those who "freeze" often feel helpless, believing that anger won't change anything. Expressions of this style include:
Numbing emotions or internalizing anger
Feeling depressed or hopeless
Putting on a facade of niceness while feeling hurt and fuming inside
This style activates a more extreme response, often engaging the dorsal vagal complex of the parasympathetic nervous system, which can lead to feelings of shutdown or dissociation. Somatic practices can help you gently explore these feelings through bodily awareness, encouraging you to slowly thaw any emotional numbness and re-engage with your feelings in a safe environment.
Appease Expressions
The "appease" response is characterized by avoiding confrontation and repressing anger. Common behaviors include:
Being overly polite and avoiding truth
Not acknowledging your own anger or setting boundaries
Turning anger inward, which often manifests as depression
In this response, the dorsal vagal system is also activated, leading to a sense of helplessness and withdrawal. Gabor Maté references a poignant line from a Woody Allen film where a character states, "I never get angry. I just grow a tumor." This highlights the danger of internalizing anger, as it can lead to physical and emotional distress. Yoga therapy can empower you to find your voice, practice setting boundaries in a compassionate way, and cultivate self-acceptance.
Quiz: What's Your Anger Style?
Reflect on the following statements and choose the option that best describes your typical reaction to anger. Score yourself based on your responses.
1. When I feel angry, I often:
A) Yell or break something (Fight)
B) Leave the situation or avoid confrontation (Flight)
C) Shut down and feel hopeless (Freeze)
D) Pretend everything is fine and avoid the issue (Appease)
2. My first instinct when faced with conflict is to:
A) Confront the person directly (Fight)
B) Walk away or distract myself (Flight)
C) Feel overwhelmed and do nothing (Freeze) D) Keep the peace, even if I’m hurting (Appease)
3. I often feel that my anger:
A) Helps me assert myself (Fight)
B) Is too much to handle, so I escape (Flight)
C) Is buried deep down and leads to sadness (Freeze)
D) Is something I shouldn't express (Appease)
4. In relationships, I tend to:
A) Stand my ground and express my feelings (Fight)
B) Avoid confrontation and keep my distance (Flight)
C) Feel stuck and unable to express myself (Freeze)
D) Always try to make others happy, even at my own expense (Appease)
Tally Your Results
Count how many times you selected each letter:
A (Fight):
B (Flight):
C (Freeze):
D (Appease):
Understanding Your Results
You may find that you resonate with more than one anger style, and this is completely normal. Many people exhibit a mixture of these responses depending on the situation.
All these anger reactions share the common denominator of activating the autonomic nervous system responsible for survival when faced with a perceived threat. This often leads to a dorsal vagal reaction, where one may feel immobilized or overwhelmed. However, when we engage in calming practices—such as mindfulness, breath awareness, or yoga—we activate the ventral vagal system. This part of the parasympathetic nervous system promotes feelings of safety, social connection, and emotional regulation, allowing us to calm ourselves and respond more effectively to our emotions. Somatic and yoga therapies can facilitate this shift through mindfulness practices, breath awareness, and body awareness techniques.
Mostly A's: You have a fighting spirit! While it's important to assert your needs, consider channeling your anger into constructive dialogue rather than destructive actions. Engage with the visceral experience of anger by paying attention to muscle tension and breathing patterns. You might find practices like expressing impulses in healthy ways—such as punching a pillow or tearing paper—helpful. Additionally, practicing assertiveness can empower you to stand up for yourself without harming others.
Mostly B's: You tend to avoid conflict. While this can keep the peace, it’s essential to confront your feelings to avoid resentment building up over time. Try focusing on something unrelated to your anger through your five senses to help detach from the intensity without disassociating. You may also benefit from mindfulness practices of riding the waves of emotion in silence and stillness, allowing you to observe your feelings without attachment.
Mostly C's: You may struggle with feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. Finding healthy outlets for your feelings can help you express anger in a more constructive way. Utilize Tara Brach’s RAIN method: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture your emotions to process them effectively. Consider non-violent communication techniques to express your needs while honoring your feelings and those of others.
Mostly D's: You often prioritize others' feelings over your own. It's crucial to acknowledge your anger and establish boundaries to protect your sense of self. Ask yourself how you can set boundaries in a win/win way, ensuring they are firm but respectful. Practicing assertiveness can help you communicate your needs clearly.
Conclusion
Understanding your anger style is the first step toward healthier emotional expression. By recognizing how you typically respond to anger and implementing these practices, including somatic/yoga therapies, you can work towards more constructive and empowering ways to manage your feelings.
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